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Roanoke: There’s Nothing Brilliant Here Pure Unadulterated Rage TV Shows 

Roanoke: There’s Nothing Brilliant Here

Guess what?  A few spoilers to follow.  But, who cares?

Well, I’m displeased.

I had promised myself that I would not even write a review of last night’s episode of American Horror Story: Roanoke.  I had promised myself this on the basis of the fact that I felt that nothing would really develop and that the episode would just be more of the same or focus wholly on more back-story.

I was wrong, and I wish I could say that I’m glad about it.

Yes, a great deal happened in last night’s installment.  Sure, a couple more people are dead.  Would you like to know the problem?  I don’t care.

I can’t quite put my finger on the reason for my apathy.  At one point, rather than respond with shock at the death of a character, I nonchalantly remarked, “Well, I guess he’s dead, then.”  I didn’t care.  I was more disappointed when I became fairly convinced that GaGa’s witch isn’t returning.  I’m serious.  I don’t think she’ll be back, and it upsets me.

Here’s the deal; they’re simply trying to do too much at once, and it isn’t working for them.  Sure, people are getting chopped up and we are actually getting to see the “real” manifestations of evil at the house and on its grounds, but due to the steady build-up of audience interest in the “reenactment” versions of the ghosts and ghastlies, I can’t find myself caring much for the “actual” ones.  Last night, for example, we saw the “actual” Butcher and the “actual” fellow-with-colonial-clothes-whose-name-I-can’t-recall.  But, again, who cares?

They need to amp the next episode up to get me to tune in for the one after it, at all.  I liked Kathy Bates as The Butcher, and now I don’t see how I continue to feel anything for characters that I never really liked in the first place.  Now that I think about it, I guess I did feel something in this episode, after all.  I felt a nauseating wave of sadness when Bates’s character said to the real Butcher, “I just wanted to be on t.v.”  I got legitimately upset.  Now I’m sad again.

Anyway, here’s my so-called theory.  Would you like to hear it?  Everything we’re watching is made up.  Now, I know that it’s all made up, but that’s not what I’m saying.  The “original” documentary, the follow-up where people are “really” getting killed, it’s all malarkey.  During the final episode we’ll find that it’s all been a dramatic fabrication.  Then, we’ll find that there is a “real” “real Butcher” and she’s not happy about anything.  Then, maybe, Gaga’s character will be “really real” too, and she’ll kill everyone.  For real.  They’d better do something, fast, or I’m done.

This rant has been brought to you by Monster Energy and intense rage.

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English teacher by day, NerdMerger by night. Co-host of The Match Head Restruck and NerdMerge Contributor.

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